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Dear Ex,
For someone who considered me one of their best friends, and told me I was wrong when we broke up, you REALLY killed yourself trying to prove everything I said, wrong.
Not.
The last time I saw you, you harped on at me about how you'd lost weight and were getting really healthy and fit - I highly doubt it, as I know about your lack of culinary prowess... in fact, you can't cook anything other than a slice of toast.
Then my Nan passed away and you didn't even have the decency to come and see me to my face to offer your sympathies. I get some lame-ass text message two weeks AFTER the funeral, saying that you're there if I need someone to talk to. You have me friend-ed on Face-book, you knew EVERYTHING that was going on, before during and after the funeral. You knew where I was staying, you knew when the funeral was going to be... but, that's neither here nor there.
Since breaking up with your sorry ass, I, not only found work, but I found a great job. I wasn't reduced to delivering pizzas. Now, I understand any work at the moment is great, but, you're 30. You've been doing the same job since you were 19. What does that tell you?
And yes, I've moved back north. I LOVE it here. I should never have left! I'm doing great things at University. And, okay, so I might still be a gamer and a nerd and a book worm, but I'm having conversations with people that you couldn't even fathom having.
When I finish University, I'll have two degrees to my name, and you'll still be delivering pizza, and I understand that a degree doesn't necessarily guarantee me a job, but, at least it'll give me a foot inside a door that isn't a pizza place or burger joint.
So, when all is said and done, don't go on about how you were just with me, out of pity. Remember, I'm the one who kicked you to the curb, not the other way around. I'm the one who got sick of your lame-ass attempts at witty and intelligent conversation. "Durrr, you kill them and you get experience points, durrrr". I'm not the one who has to ask Mummy's permission to go to the movies because she holds the purse strings...
Keep talking shit about me to that whore you're with now, and I'll air ALL your dirty laundry to the public. This is a freakin' cake-walk, compared to what I am fully capable of... after all, I know just about everyone you live near, work with and have associated with for the majority of our lives... so... Keep it up.
No love,
Me.
PS: Just because I'm not there, doesn't mean I don't know you were fucking the mighty midget the night of my birthday when we were still together.
PPS: You've lost weight? Honey, I lost 125 kilos of stupid when I dumped your ass, and the numbers keep dropping off me now that I'm away from you.
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